Now, I am not the most emotionally stable person in the entire world. I struggle sometimes with depression and all the time with anxiety. While my problems are mostly easily dealt with, sometimes I got some serious issues that pop up.
It seems like the occasional battles with depression are the worst. It's not that I get sad or suicidal or anything, it's just that everything becomes uninteresting. I can't concentrate on anything, and things start to lose their colors, textures and scents. For those who know me well, they know I rely a lot on scent because that sense is, for some reason or another, very fine tuned in me. When I can't smell, I get a bit down.
But yeah, depression just turns everything into this bland, inescapable gray. It's refined isolation. Contact with others would be painful if I wasn't so numbed, but I'm drawn into myself until I can't escape.
I am a lonely person by nature. It's not that I like being alone, but it's just easier for me. It's the path of least resistance. And when depression hits, I'm dragged into this never ending spiral of loneliness and lack of sensitivity.
There's not much I can do to avoid it other than make sure I'm well adjusted and have plenty of contact and responsibilities that force me to act even when I'm stuck in a well of depression. Having things that I have to do or I'll have severe problems in my life helps me pull myself back into reality. It hurts, but it really is better than being numb.
So, if any of you see me struggling with depression, help me do something that I need to do, or give me something to do. That'll help me the most.
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